![]() ![]() How the Pentagon approved UFO conspiracy theories about itself.Indian schools are unprepared to deal with heat waves that are already disrupting education.In Kashmir, Army unit booked as young man dies of electric shock.‘I’m a small man but my music is huge’: Wasifuddin Dagar on the AR Rahman plagiarism row.Watch: Elephant gently shakes a tree to get a jackfruit from it.Kathmandu mayor installs map of ‘Greater Nepal’ after ‘Akhand Bharat’ controversy.Transformation of the goddess and clay: Naveen Kishore’s photos capture hues of conflict.Watch: Beyoncé was joined by her daughter Blue Ivy on stage for a dance routine during UK concert.America is at a crossroads and Toobin has a pretty good map in his back pocket, assuming he can keep his pants on. Rescind this “leave of absence” and tell Toobin his service is urgently required. Or at the very least, hold off on investigating until the election is over. Chalk this XXX call up to neo-Luddite horniness. I’d have to leave the country, if not the planet. I can’t even fathom the shame and humiliation I’d feel after accidentally exposing my private parts to beloved Star colleagues. The only person Toobin hurt with this election-simulation-turned-erection-stimulation is Jeffrey Toobin. As a writer and broadcaster, he is everything we need, now more than ever: smart, thoughtful, insightful, incisive and knowledgeable. He brings deep context to shallow airwaves. But he also has one of the sharpest legal minds on the continent. He may well be cursed with the hormones of a randy teenager. Toobin may not grasp streaming technology. All I’m saying is we need to forget this ever happened. Granted, there are few things more unprofessional than masturbating during a company meeting. I do not want to minimize any possible trauma experienced by anyone on that video chat who, one second, was yammering on about the Electoral College and then, the next, was screaming at their screen in absolute disgust: “WHAT THE HELL IS JEFF DOING?”īut we need to keep perspective. It’s hard to think of an issue more personal than turning into a park flasher during a work call. This investigation is over.Īs for Toobin’s other high-profile gig - as CNN’s chief legal analyst - a network spokesperson said, “Jeff Toobin has asked for some time off while he deals with a personal issue, which we have granted.” Do we have any clue why Jeff is touching his penis during this election simulation? No. He’s been suspended from the magazine pending an “investigation” that won’t require FBI assistance: Is that Jeff? Yes. I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me.”Īnd just like that, Toobin cemented a Top 5 spot on all future Zoom Fail listicles. I apologize to my wife, family, friends and co-workers. In a statement to Motherboard, Toobin explained: “I made an embarrassingly stupid mistake, believing I was off-camera. Huh? The simulation continued? Not one of his lily-livered colleagues who need 10,000 words to get to the point told the poor bastard they had just witnessed him choking the chicken? Nobody had the decency to text: “Ah, dude? This isn’t a porno! Put it away!” Moments later, he called back in, seemingly unaware of what his colleagues had been able to see, and the simulation continued.” ![]() The people on the call said they could see Toobin touching his penis. ![]() 3.īut during a break, Toobin proved he is not the master of his own domain.Īs Vice reported: “The sources said that when the groups returned from their break out rooms, Toobin lowered the camera. The participants were engaged in an “election simulation,” gaming out possible scenarios for what might happen after Nov. As Motherboard reported, citing two sources who can now presumably accurately describe Toobin’s “Attorney For His Southern District” to a police sketch artist, the video conference was between New Yorker writers and staffers at the WNYC radio station. But, sir, this is no way to enliven the proceedings. I get that telework during this pandemic is tedious. The story broke this week in Vice’s Motherboard, which offered a headline that is truly peak 2020: “New Yorker Suspends Jeffrey Toobin for Masturbating on Zoom Call.” What we did not need is for you to unbuckle your pantaloons and touch yourself. We needed you to explain looming vote challenges and constitutional loopholes and point out that “Amy Coney Barrett” is an anagram for “Ratty Cobra Enemy.” Legal analysts are the tour guides who can help us navigate these inflection points in democratic history. The Supreme Court is hurtling toward momentous change. Just when the world needs him most, Jeffrey Toobin exposes himself on Zoom. ![]()
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